people pleaser


Do you often find yourself doing things you don’t want to do? Do you feel taken advantage of by others? Sitting around praying for people to understand how much pressure they put on you is futile. 


For some, saying “yes” is a habit. It’s time for you to find your voice. Here is what you can do to start saying “no” to others and say “yes” to yourself. 


Speak to one of our therapists today.



1- Smart Small


It can be hard to go cold turkey on pleasing people so start with small noes. The easiest way to do this is text or email since you have more time to reply.


2- Realize You Have a Choice


You may feel like you always have to say yes. Realize that a request is a question and you have the option to say no. If you don’t have a choice, they wouldn’t need to ask.


people pleaser


3- Say No With Conviction


The first no is the hardest. Remember that you are saying no for good reason. You get more time for yourself and for the people you really want to help.


4- Don’t Apologize – It’s Not Your Fault


A people pleaser tends to be a serial apologist. Pay attention when you’re apologizing and consider if you’re really at fault. Usually the answer is no.


5- Realize That Doing Too Much Hurts


When you do too much you overfunction in your relationship. The other people will inevitably underfunction. Your intentions are good but they hinder the effectiveness of your relationships.


doing too much


6- Accept That You Will Feel Guilty


You will probably feel that you are being selfish or that you have let someone down. This is misplaced guilt. You have done nothing wrong.


7- When in Doubt, Buy Time


There is no law that says you must answer immediately. Tell the person that you will think about it and get back to them. Then you can consider the best way to say no.
help out
8- Help Out a Bit


You can finish your reply with recommending someone that you think could help that would be a better fit for what they need.


9- Strengthen Your Self-Esteem


That way you will value yourself and your time and energy more. Criticism and negative words will bounce off you more easily and you won’t be so concerned with getting everyone to like you.



It’s never too late to live life on your terms. You have to realize how unhelpful your people pleaser behavior is to you and those around you. People will respect you more when you are clear with your boundaries and goals. 
Do you need help? Call (510) 497-4174 today to schedule your free consultation.
If you have any questions or require more information, please contact Lani here: