In marriage, what you don’t know can really hurt you. Many couples don’t discuss the difficult things that can actually build a strong foundation. If you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you will be dealing with it while you’re married. These conversations may be intimate or awkward, but they will facilitate honesty and uncover the secrets and deal breakers before it’s too late.
The Money Talk
One of the most common sources of stress for married couples is finances. Are you savers or spenders? Talk about joint or separate accounts. Decide how you will handle everyday expenses and big investments. Be open about credit scores and existing debt.
The Sex Talk
How do you plan to sustain intimacy throughout your marriage? Discuss your individual needs and desires. Talk about your fantasies. If you suspect that your partner’s sexual needs differ from yours, don’t overlook it. It will only cause festering resentment and may lead to infidelity later on.
The Kids Talk
Do you want children? How many? When? How do you imagine each of your roles as parents? Do either of you have strong beliefs about infertility treatments or adoption, should you have difficulty? Go over it all.
The Personal Space Talk
Discuss your need for alone time, or time apart. If you don’t talk about it now, one partner may become jealous as the other spends time with friends. On the other hand, one partner may feel suffocated if the other insists on spending every moment together.
The Conflict Talk
Arguments are inevitable. It’s how you handle them as a couple that determines whether you get through them. Being conscious of the patterns in your arguments is extremely important. Think back to your most recent disagreement. Were there any toxic patterns present? Figure out what is acceptable and what is off-limits. Work on your communication style together.
You can not “divorce-proof” your marriage. Cultivating the ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively is the best you can do. Have the real talks about the real issues before you step into married life.
Need an couples counselor? We can help. Call (510) 497-4174 today.