You can be in a codependent relationship with anyone. In a romantic relationship it means that you come to rely on your partner for happiness and approval. It is about two people with dysfunctional personality traits becoming worse together. The boundaries about where you start and your partner ends disappear. You become so wrapped up in the other person that you lose yourself. Here are six signs that you may be in a codependent relationship:
1- You are in a romantic relationship with an addict.
If one partner has an addiction, it is more likely to become a codependent relationship. This can be addiction to alcohol, drugs, money, power or love and sex. The person with the addiction may neglect their partner while the other might feel that he or she needs to give more out of love, guilt or habit.
2- You feel responsible for your partner’s actions.
You might feel that your partner’s actions are a reflection on you. If they make a negative decision, you might also feel that you are a failure. It’s important to realize that we are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Your only responsibility with your partner’s actions is controlling the way you respond to it, and controlling what you’re willing to allow an accept.
3- You have allowed irresponsible or hurtful behavior.
People in codependent relationships do a lot of things they don’t want to or shouldn’t do. You make excuses for your partner. You may do illegal or immoral things in order to “help” your partner. You know you shouldn’t, but it feels like helping. It’s not. It’s enabling.
4- You say “yes” when you mean “no” and that makes you resentful.
Caving in to demands is not very productive. It is important to make sure that your own needs are being met first. Resentment builds and it is common to overreact and lash out when your partner lets you down. When you realize that you cannot control the situation, you may slip into a depressed state.
5- Your mood is dependent upon your partner’s mood.
You are very sensitive to your partner’s emotional state and you forget about your own. You cannot change how they feel. It’s important to focus on your own feelings and how you respond to their negative mood.
6- You think that you can help your partner change.
Even though your attempts to change your partner has never been successful in the past, you keep trying. You are sure you could be happy if only they’d listen to you. People in codependent relationships try to fix each other, rather than focusing on changing their own negative behavior.
Allowing someone to hurt you says more about your own self-respect than it says about the other person. You have allowed it in your life. Taking responsibility for your enabling behavior and focusing on your own needs can help you mature and recover from codependency. The only way to change other people is to change yourself. If you feel that you need help, we can help. Call (510) 497-4174